These clean funny stories and jokes were inspired by Brian Regan, whose hilarious comedy routine is entirely pulled from real events in his life.
Most of us have funny things happen every day. The difference between Brian Regan and us is that he doesn't forget them. Nor does he just tell them to his friends; he tells them to the whole world.
All good comedians do that. How many of their jokes begin with, "The other day ... "? The answer is, most of them, and what you may not know is that many of the stories are at least based on a true experience, then hyped up.
So I decided to start working on my own, right here on Information Dojo. The majority of the laughing around our dinner table—at which there are twenty people each night—and in our living room is over clean funny stories just like these …
One of the young ladies in my home, the daughter of a single mother, is named Chloe. She likes to dance, but recently she sprained her ankle, really badly, at dance practice.
A few days after she sprained the ankle, a baby was born in our village, and Chloe really wanted to go see it. She was on crutches, however, and it's a quarter mile uphill to the home the baby was born in.
She was asking me for a ride up the hill, and a couple of my teenage sons were razzing her about it. They went on and on about their exploits on crutches, carrying bookbags at school and other "hardships" they'd faced.
Finally, I jumped in. "You know, Chloe," I began, "in my mind I agree with the boys, but my heart feels compassion for you. So I'm going to offer you a ride if you can give me the correct answer to this question within 30 seconds.
Normally, this should have shaken her. I pick on her a lot (and vice versa), so she had to know she was going to get a difficult question.
But she wasn't shaken at all. With resolve in her eyes, she looked at me and said, "Okay."
"What's the square root of 225?" I asked.
Without any hesitation, she answered, "I don't know." Then she got up and went to the car.
I gave her the ride.
I was at a friend's house recently, and he had a book on his shelf called Complete Birds of North America.
What I'd really like to see is Incomplete Birds of America. Now that would be an interesting book!
Can you picture its captions?: "This robin is incomplete. It has no right wing. Unlike the complete birds, it is sure to be rapidly devoured by predators."
Yeah, that would be a great book.
A few years ago, I heard the term "gutbuster," and I really liked it. When someone told a really funny story, I would laugh and say, "Wow, that was a real gutbuster."
I just liked the word, I guess.
Then one day I was teaching a youth group—teenagers—about walking with God. Towards the end, as we relaxed and talked, and one of the more serious young men made a funny, sarcastic comment. It was so out of character for him that all of us roared. I just about fell out of my chair laughing. I was literally holding my gut.
After I caught my breath, I popped out my favorite comment, except …
Have you ever heard of a "spoonerism"? That's where you swap the first letter of two words or two parts of a word, as in saying "e;mad banners" in the place of "bad manners."
Try mentioning a real buttguster in a room full of teenagers when you're supposed to be talking about God.
Needless to say they when back to busting a gut.
I hope that qualifies as a clean funny story; it certainly qualifies as a true one, etched indelibly into my memory.