Funny One Liner Jokes

Funny one liner jokes for any occasion ...

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like his passengers.
  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • To be great, one does not have to be mad ... but it helps. (Percy Cerutty, Australian track coach, 1952 Olympics)
  • Alone, we are insignificant. One drop is not enough to quench even a simple thirst. Together, however, we're all wet. (Boogie Jack, Nutty Net Tutor; July 21, 2005)
  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes. (
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. (
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. (
  • Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. (Sam Ewing)